The Relationship Tip

Back in March The Telegraph reported:

News that John Cleese has successfully halved his £1.3 million annual divorce settlement has surely come as a relief to the Monty Python star, who had complained bitterly that at the age of 69 he would be required to continue working in order to pay maintenance to his third wife, a situation he unflinchingly described as “feeding the beast”.

Cleese will still have to pay £650,000 a year to American psychotherapist Alyce Faye Eichelberger, 64, to whom he was married for 15 years, but the fact that a US judge agreed that the original amount was excessive in the current recession, after the value of the star’s extensive property portfolio had dropped, is a hugely significant sign of the times.

That works out to a little over a million dollars US which is a pretty good sum. However the latest ruling reduces that even further; not a whole lot but definitely under the million dollar annual pay out.  Eichelberger wanted half of Cleese’s estate but was denied.

So why is John Cleese angry?

What about them? They seem to have increased in Australia.  Experts have a theory why. You knew they would.

Because there is still one going on.

Akiko Fujita, Voice of America:

Matchmaking services have become a booming business in Japan, thanks to a popular book released last year. In the book Marriage Hunting Era co-author Touko Shirakawa wrote that singles had to work harder for true love, and that waiting for a soul mate was not enough.

She coined the term “konkatsu” – a play on the Japanese words for marriage and action.

I don’t know if it’s the recession or technology. Probably both. But matchmaking and online dating have hit the motherlode.

Carla Johnson at The AP:

The American Academy of Pediatrics wants doctors to take an active role in preventing bullying in schools and violence among dating teenagers.

The academy gives doctors tips for doing that in an updated policy being published in the July issue of its journal, Pediatrics.

Doctors should tell parents to talk to their children about bullying, teach children how to resolve conflicts and promote respectful relationships in dating, the policy says. It also suggests doctors volunteer to talk about the topics at schools, churches and youth organizations.

I know the recession has accelerated things but dating violence has been a problem for decades.

It seems like a problem all year round but the recession seems to have kicked it up a notch.

From the Local:

Three of Sweden’s four largest dating sites report increased numbers of visitors and members since the financial crisis hit last autumn, according to DN.

Swedish-owned E-kontakt reported that 2008 was a record year and they have seen an upswing in the last several months, which they believe is directly connected with the financial crisis.

“Certain goods have been rubbed out in the recession, but for us it’s been the opposite. I think the entire market has felt the increase,” Jenny Ohlin, E-kontakt managing director, told DN.

Just another confirmation

From The Guardian UK:

Launched in May 2008, the dating site iSuki.com is focusing on an audience of young professionals and wants to dispel some of the myths about online dating. Based in Newcastle but aiming to build a UK-wide audience, iSuki is being supported by marketing students at Newcastle University and by North East Business Link, and hopes to recruit two staff by the end of the year.

Maybe a downturn is just the right time to try and find ‘the one’ for you, says founder Sarah Halman.

It cannot hurt. Online dating has really hit its stride even as the worldwide economy has turned south.

Is a recession forcing people people into this type of decision when it comes to online dating relationships?

By Coco Swan

The Today Show did a feature on this. Here’s Jesse and Melva Johnson offering up some marriage advice for when one spouse is unemployed.

You can visit their blog here.

Paige Wiser at The Chicago Sun Times

Even if you have a job, the concept of a “date” has changed drastically. Katie Rich and her boyfriend are both actors for Second City, but don’t take anything for granted. “In this economy, our dates often stem from what could be tax-deductible, or how can we be on a date while working,” she says. Recent outings have included the Lincoln Park Zoo (free), coffee shops (how slow can you sip?), and “going to all the statues on Lake Shore Drive and figuring out what the hell they are,” says Rich. But it’s difficult to change dating habits.

Yeah but a recession has a way of forcing the issue.

And eventhough it’s probably more perception than anything, the house just got a lot more crowded. This recession is a real couple tester.

For the spouse out of work you have to understand that for the most part you are breaking your significant other’s routine. You are not trying to be a pain but it just works out that way.

As a suggestion help out as much as possible like cooking, getting the kids ready for school and cleaning (things you should be doing anyway) then make yourself scarce. Get out of the house or find your own cubby hole within the home and vanish.

Naturally you want to look for a job but space is the key here. They are not used to you being around during this time of the day. So help out wholeheartedly or as much as your spouse will allow and then do the Claude Raines thing.

Meredith Goldstein of the Boston Globe (and the way things are going it will probably be the soon defunct Boston Globe) wrote, “Some singles have taken themselves out of the running for love during this recession.” It’s a pretty rough patch many people are going thru economically but it’s happened before and will probably happen again whether it is just personal finances, lost of a job or a global recession.

However as far as I’m concerned staying on the shelf is not an option. Taking yourself out of the dating game until things get better means you could be sitting for a very long time. The best bet is to exercise some fiscal discipline while being creative. Like

1. Games and Puzzles

Monopoly anyone? How about a good game of Scrabble? Maybe during your travels you’ve come across one of those puzzles with five hundred or more pieces. Never really been into puzzles? To each their own but give it a shot anyway. Dating relationships are about give and take. And who knows? You may find being with someone enthusiastic about puzzles and games rubs off on you.

2. Music Days

You’ve got some favorite music? So does the person you are dating or trying to anyway. Invite them over occasionally and tell them to bring some of their favorite music. What they have may not be to your exact taste but again healthy dating is about equal give and take. Leave the TV off. With television you pretty much have to stop what you are doing periodically to focus on what’s happening on the screen.

Music on the other hand can keep the conversation flow going while the two of you dance and laugh the evening away. This is not going to be easy, especially when you are used to a certain routine but it sure beats waiting for things (which may not be in your control ) to get better before you jump back in the dating scene.