The Relationship Tip

Each day can bring fear into the lives of women all around the world, and it does not matter how much money you have, where you live, what you do for a living, or who your friends are. If you are a victim of domestic violence then you are being treated in a manner that is not and should not be tolerated in todays society.

Domestic violence is an extremely serious matter and should be treated as such. Domestic violence can be verbal abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse or sexual assault. Many times occurrences of domestic abuse result in permanent physical injuries or death.

The majority of domestic violence victims do not talk about the problems that they are going through at home, or try to remedy the situation until its too late.

Domestic abuse comes in many different forms including screaming threats, pushing or shoving, economic abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, using threats against your children, isolation, and any other means used to maintain an atmosphere of fear, intimidation and power. Regardless of where you live, the person most likely to be responsible for domestic violence is the men of the family.

Domestic violence will usually fall into one or more of the following categories, all of which are illegal and considered a criminal act.

Psychological battery, when the abuser uses mental and verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolation, regulating that amount of food, money, clothing, and sometimes destroying personal belongings.
Physical battery, which can consist of physical attacks and aggressive acts that can range from pushing and shoving, bodily harm to murder.

Sexual abuse is a type of physical attack that is accompanied by or ends in sexual violence against the victim.

Consider that each year some 4 million American women will be the victim of an assault by an intimate partner or friend. Statistics also show that 1 out of 3 adult females will experience at least one physical assault during their lifetime.

Knowing this information and being prepared to defend yourself and your children from an abusive partner may be the only thing that saves your life and the lives of your loved ones.

If you are a victim of domestic violence there are some very important things that you need to understand.

The abuse is not your fault.
You and your children do not deserve to be abused.
To continue in a relationship that is abusive will not stop the abuse.
If your partner is abusive you cannot change them.
Over time the abuse will get worse.

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE ABUSE- FIGHT BACK DONT BE A VICTIM!

Many women do not want to admit that the relationship they are in or the men they think that they are in love with are abusive. Some women may not even realize that the relationship they are in would be considered and Abusive Relationship. Here are a few things that you may want to ask yourself about your intimate partner or relationship.

Do you often agree with your partner because you are afraid of you partners reaction if you do not agree?
Does you partners temper frighten you?
Are your decisions about activities and friends made according to what your partner wants or how your partner will react?
Have there been situations where you have had to apologize for your partners actions or behavior?

Has you partner ever pushed, punched, kicked, or reacted aggressively towards you when he is angry? Do you agree with or consent to your partner to avoid getting him angry?
Do you use alcohol or drugs, or join you partner in using alcohol or drugs so he wont get upset or angry.

No woman deserves to be the victim of domestic violence and there are some signs that can be looked for in a man that may give you a hint that he may become abusive once in a relationship.

Does he want to know where you are at all the time?
Is he extremely jealous?
Does he get upset if you spend time with your family or friends?
Threatens you with violence.
Uses others or you as an excuse for his problems.
Tries to isolate you from your family and friends.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and want to get out call 911 for immediate help. For additional resources and help call the following:

1.National Domestic Violence/Child Abuse/Sexual Abuse Hotline at 800-799-SAFE or 800-799- 7233, 800-787-3224 TDD
2.Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-829-1122
3.Nationwide RAINN National Rape Crisis Hotline: 800-656-4673

Sheri Gray is writer and webmaster for J & S Enterprises and online force in the personal self-defense products market. Serving the personal protection industry since 2004 J & S Enterprises offers Tasers, Stun Guns, Pepper Sprays, and Mace Defense Sprays. For more information on the products offered by J & S Enterprises and a link to check for Sex Offenders in your area go to: http://www.safeselfdefense.com

Home

Could you become the next victim of abuse? Domestic abuse does discriminate in age or gender. Like so many women I did not believe that it could happen to me. I thought my education and background would save me from domestic abuse. I was wrong however.

In my book “Be Careful Who You Marry” I recount the domestic abuse I endured in my marriage. In hindsight all the signs were there that I could be the next victim of domestic abuse.

From my experience and through observing other domestic abuse relationships some women are predisposed to experiencing domestic abuse in their relationships during there life time.

The first place to look for the signs that a woman could be abused would be to look at the family history. Children that grow up in an abusive home are more likely to be abused or be abusers.

Personally, my mother experienced domestic abused and so did my grandmother. I vowed never to let a man put his hands on me, but I didn’t vow to never let a man manipulate me psychologically, abuse me verbally, or abuse me mentally.

Though some would not define this behavior as domestic abuse the damage it causes is often greater than physical abuse. Anyone experiencing or has experienced this knows that mental and verbal abuse can cause low self-esteem and is the precursor to physical abuse.

I was fortunate enough to leave my marriage before I suffered at the hand of my ex-husband. I saw the signs that physical abuse would happen and got out of the relationship as the mental and verbal abuse became progressively worse. The best thing I did was leaving the relationship before I hit or even killed.

Low self-esteem is another factor in determining if a woman could become a victim of domestic abuse. My observation has been that women who suffer from low self-esteem are more likely to accept any type of behavior from their partners in order to maintain the relationship.

I spoke with an older woman who was experiencing psychological abuse from her boyfriend. When I asked why she stayed in the relationship she said that she was too old to find someone else and that she accepts his mistreatment because she didn’t want to be alone. I have found that it is much better to be alone or feel loneliness than to be victimized by abuse of any form.

People pleasers have a way of contributing to being abused. In my childhood I never really rebelled. I would do anything my mother said for fear of making her angry.

All I ever wanted to do was please her. As I became older and as my mother would try to control my choices in life I felt the need to be in a relationship to get away from my mother.

Relationships were my escape from the control I was feeling at home. In relationships I could do anything I wanted, until I met my ex-husband. One of the reasons I stayed in the relationship longer than I should was because I was comfortable with pleasing and being controlled.

I didn’t realize that I was contributing to my own abuse in this way until I left the relationship. I never wanted to make my ex-husband angry so I did whatever he asked me to do for fear of being verbally abused. I had repeated the pattern that I learned all of my life.

Although these are indicators that a woman could be abused physically, mentally, or verbally it does not indicate that abuse will happen.

Frances E. Elizabeth is the author of “Be Careful Who You Marry,” a non-fiction book about her short-lived marriage to a con-artist. More information about Frances E. Elizabeth can be found at her websitehttp://www.franceseelizabeth.webs.com.

Home