The Relationship Tip

Everybody thinks that their relationship will last forever, and some of them will last a lifetime. Unfortunately, many of them do not. People in relationships break up every day, but very few people even give this a second thought or even how they can stop this from happening in the first place.

Here are 4 ways to stop a break up from happening in the first place.

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by Daryl Campbell

If lack of communication is the number one reason for many marriage failures than a cheating spouse runs a very close second.

According Infidelity Facts (www.infidelityfacts.com) over fifty five percent of men and women admit to cheating on their partner at least once regardless of whether it is marriage or a dating relationship.

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pre marriage counseling

The counselors for pre marriage counseling are often Christian doctors who take a strong focus on creating and maintaining healthy family structures. This is only possible through communication and understanding.

How can you possibly know how your partner handles stress when nothing has come up to really test him or her? How do you know whether you’ll want kids or will want to retire early?

Is your partner harboring any emotional damage from previous relationships? By identifying strengths and weaknesses, couples will have a better chance of staying together and preventing a costly and often messy divorce.

The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!”

As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go!

If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go!

Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.

Research shows that money is the #1 thing new couples argue over, which can be addressed through pre marriage counseling. Marriage therapists say the major underlying source of financial conflict is lack of communication.

Prior to getting married, you should identify your spending habits. Are you a “big spender” or a “big saver?” Sometimes, there is a communication breakdown as each side tries to win the power struggle.

Additionally, there could be “The Done Deal” type who makes financial decisions like opening new credit cards or investing in a rental property without telling his/her spouse until it’s too late.

Some people are also vulnerable to “keeping up with the Joneses,” buying out-of-budget cars, boats and gadgets, which drives more practical spouses up the wall. Holidays are another time when communication about spending tends to breakdown. Lastly, forgetting to tell a spouse about past debts can escalate into arguments galore.

Many pre marriage counseling sessions are more like educational courses, rather than therapy. The counselors are there to teach you ways to comfort your crabby partner after he or she has had “the worst day ever.”

They’ll show you how to communicate your needs and wants without nagging, complaining or accusing. They’ll teach you how to overcome marriage-killer behavioral patterns like stone-walling, criticizing, defensiveness and contemptuousness.

Before you say “I Do,” you can learn your personal conflict styles and recognize the relationship’s strengths and possible weaknesses, which will create better understanding in the long run.

How To Fix a Marriage

There are numerous reasons why a marriage becomes broken.  Some of the reasons that a marriage may fall apart contain the couple’s lack of communication, money problems, significant events that erode trust, medical issues, etc.

A couple may still want to repair the union Although it may be damaged.  Therefore, if a couple wants to know how to restore their marriage it is important that they start with a few basic steps.  Once these basic steps are taken then the couple can continue to rebuild their marriage and make it stronger. 

An excellent resource to provide assistance can be found here: How To Fix A Marriage: Is It Broke? – Then Fix It!

An inability to communicate, or ineffective communication is generally at the root of all marital problems, and why many marriages begin to erode.  Therefore, it is key to start with a commitment to communicate with each other, seek help and then move forward in the relationship, building on these basic steps.  

Communication 

The initial basic building block of any interpersonal relationship is communication.  This communication is more than just casual words of greeting or small talk.  Sharing with another individual how you are feeling is how communication is defined, but allowing the other person to see your heart and soul while letting down defenses and walls.  Active listening is the other important part of communicating.  Active listening allows the listener to hear what is being said and then repeat back to the individual what the listener thinks has been said.  This type of communication is based on trust between two individuals.  This type of trust provides for a safe environment that allows the individuals to share whatever is on their heart and mind without the fear of rejection, judgment or ridicule, and what is needed to be maintained as the critical initial step in how to fix a relationship.  Counseling may well be required if the couple is struggling with the communication aspect of fixing the relationship.  If a couple is not quite ready to meet face-to-face with a counselor, or can’t afford a counselor’s services at this time, an excellent resource to provide assistance can be found here: How To Fix A Marriage: Using Marriage Tools

The next step in how to repair a relationship is to seek counseling.  Counseling involves an independent third party who will hear both sides and offer independent viewpoints.  Often, these individuals are professionals with extensive education, training and experience in dealing with the many complex issues that arise in relationships.  This combination will allow the counselor to provide powerful advice to the couple which provides the couple tools on how to restore a marriage. 

Moving Forward 

One additional step that must be taken when responding to the problem of how to rebuild a relationship is to move forward.  This means not dwelling on the disappointments, troubles, loss of trust or pain, that brought them to this place, but to not hold past indiscretions against someone.  This can be extremely difficult depending on what has happened in the past, because memories are not easily forgotten.  However, if the couple continues to remain in the past it is quite possible that they will not have a future.

Please visit us at Is It Broke? – Then Fix It!: How To Fix A Marriage for reviews and synopsis of the best relationship courses on the market today.

Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not unexpected. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

Good communication needs practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking.Your body language and expressions can speak a lot about what you like and dislike. Facial expressions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse?
Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and demand a solution. Solutions usually start at the negotiating table where both parties are inclined to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a nice and comfortable time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your partner in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time. This gives both of you some time to summarize your idealisation. It’s not good to come to the table without preparation. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. If your partner is not as good at communicating as you then counterbalance it.  Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate.Both opinions are equally significant.

Do not get disturbed while talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate.  That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Look for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue.Do not give up. Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must live in both.
Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is evident, professional help may be needed.Communication will not solve all your difficulties but it’s a good startup.