The Relationship Tip

You never thought it would happen to you. But now here you are today… faced with the most important decision of your life.

No matter what circumstances led to the current condition of your marriage, all that doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters now is that you need to find a solution to your marriage problems. You desperately want to keep your family together, but the problem is – you want a solution that works.

Most people think that when marriages take a turn for the worst; the only solution is marriage counseling.

But when you turn to marriage counseling, the focus is on behavior, action and doing. And in fact, it’s very possible that you could DO all the tips, techniques and offered to you by your marriage counselor, yet still wind up unhappy and frustrated with each other. Why?

Pastor and international marriage expert, Mark Gungor’s has one of the best answers I’ve seen. He makes a wonderful point that we just don’t hear enough. Here’s what he said:

“If your view of marriage is flawed, all the energy and strategy you are using (such as our marriage will be better if we just do this or change that) will end in failure…you must work on your marriage BECAUSE you believe it IS valuable, not because you are trying to make it valuable.”

Did you know that most marriage counselors do not believe your marriage IS valuable? Many of them have already divorced, so why would they see your marriage as any more valuable than their own?

They believe marriage is simply expendable and that the kids will be ok. They hold the belief that not all couples are meant to be together which is why they are so quick to give up on your marriage.

Now I know I’m making a generalization about ALL marriage counselors and I do realize that there are some “renegade” marriage counselors who do not follow these beliefs. But based on the countless “horror stories” from the couples I’ve worked with over the years, these counselors are few and far between.

What kind of “horror stories” you ask? Good question.

I know this may be difficult to believe, but many of the couples I’ve worked with over the years who have attended marriage counseling told me that their marriage counselor actually advised them to DIVORCE!

These couples attended marriage counseling because they wanted to save their marriage, not hear from an “expert” that their marriage is hopeless!

In fact, there have been statistics recently that stated 80% of marriages that end up in divorce could have been saved if the couple had only received the proper help they needed.

And as time goes on…while our divorce rate continues to remain at 50%, the truth about marriage counseling is increasingly gaining more exposure with new alternatives to marriage counseling popping up all over the net.

Now the REAL question you must ask yourself is this…

If the two of you don’t believe your marriage IS valuable, and worth doing every positive thing you can to make it healthy again (marriage counseling not in the list), then what hope can you have for your marriage?

The reason couples end up in the offices of marriage counselors is because they want somebody to help them do what they’re not able to do… believe their marriage IS valuable. Talk to virtually any couple who has been to a marriage counselor and you’ll find them in agreement.

But the sad truth is that most marriage counselors just don’t believe marriage itself IS valuable.

What all this boils down to is this:

Marriage Counselors need to take a good look at their massive failure rate and realize that they’re doing more harm than good.

Ultimately, the real reason for their failure to save marriages may have something to do with their initial schooling and education.

Most people don’t know this, but marriage counseling as taught in universities isn’t marriage counseling at all. It’s therapy for individuals.

80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, yet only 12% are in a profession that requires them to take EVEN ONE course on dealing with couples, (Dr. William J. Doherty, Minneapolis MN)

As a result, they prefer to work with each person individually, instead of as a couple.

So my advice to you is…

If you’re considering seeing a marriage counselor, take this as your alternative view. If your marriage problems persist, you’re far better off with a weekend marriage seminar or a marriage coach than a marriage counselor.

In fact, do a quick search in Google for “alternative to marriage counseling”. What you’ll find is a variety of solutions that don’t involve marriage counseling. And very often these alternatives are less expensive, less invasive and not at all emotionally draining – much unlike what you might find in traditional marriage counseling.

Get the full story on couples counseling and why it’s not at all what it’s cracked up to be. For a solution-oriented marriage counseling alternative, visit Larry Bilotta’s website at FulfilledCouple.com to get your marriage back on track and put an end to your marriage problems.

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Are there any signs that makes you know if you are in the right relationship? After breaking up and getting back together, you may tend to have overseen something that is crystal clear to everyone except you that there is something wrong in your relationship. So how do you really know if you are in the right relationship?

Determining the person if they are right for you cannot be possible. But what you can determine right now is if the relationship you are in right now is right. Things will eventually change but right now, you have to look at the present and ask yourself am I in the right relationship?

Several questions can be asked to let you know if the relationship is the right relationship? You may ask yourself Am I happy? There will be several answers that will come up but you must focus on the things that make you happy when you are with them.

You may have a doubt now and then or a bad feeling, but if your feelings toward the person and the relationship are mostly positive, then you could be in a great relationship. Don’t let the odd doubt or strange feeling make you wonder if you’ve made a mistake.

When there are time when you feel sad ask yourself if it is because you want to be with someone else or can it be that you are thinking of the possibilities if you were not tied down by this relationship that you have now? Are these the reasons why you are sad and feeling so down lately?

Everyone thinks things like that from time to time. But if you’re preoccupied by what ifs and if only thoughts, you might not be in the right relationship after all.

Ask yourself if you are safe in your relationship. Are you sure you will not be physically abused? This will also apply to your psychological aspect. They should not hurt you emotionally too.

You are probably in the wrong relationship when you are constantly asking yourself if you are under constant threat of breakups. You are also in the wrong relationship when you know that they are capable of cheating on you.

Make sure that your doubts are reasonable also. You should not spend all your time in looking after their actions. You should not just base your decisions on unproven theories. You are just wasting your time.

Are you sure they are susceptible in cheating on you? Maybe it is just your lack of confidence that makes you think of these things. But if you are certain they can cheat or are cheating on you then you are probably in a wrong relationship and there is no need to prolong it.

Do you feel special? If you feel like you’re constantly fighting for the other persons attention and affection, you might look for someone else. You should feel like the person most important to them if you’re in the right relationship.