The Relationship Tip

If you are of dating age, then you already know that first dates can be full of tension, but with these tips and advice all about those first dates, this needn’t be such a problem for you. Obviously, as with all advice, it is totally up to you whether you act on it or not!

One of the first things that you need to decide on for your first date is what to do. Do you choose a romantic restaurant, or a pleasant stroll along the beach or in a park if you live close by one?

Of course, this can be a very tough decision to make, and while some think you should go all out to impress on this first date, others think that you should be yourself, and not go overboard.

Very different dating advice, and as to which you do, if either, is entirely your right to choose. But, you do need to be at ease with your decision, and with the event you have planned, as those first dates get everyone nervous without having the additional stress of a new situation to handle.

For many people, taking a more moderate approach works very well. Don’t spend more than you can afford on this first date. If you have other dates with this person, then you can always go somewhere more expensive later.

If there aren’t any more dates with this person, then you haven’t spent more than your budget allows, and you can save the better restaurants for a more special occasion with someone else.

Besides the financial benefit of not paying out the sun and the moon for a first date, there is also the fact that you will probably be far more at ease, and act more like yourself at a place that is not rushing you into debt for just one course.

Financial matters are not what the first date is about, it is about two people starting a relationship, their preferences and definite hates, whether they like dogs or cats, and sports as a spectator, or an activity.

The first date is a time to ask questions to discuss likes and dislikes, whether they are a sports fanatic, or bitterly detest anything connected with exercise.

It is a time to find out whether they enjoyed school, if they have brothers or sisters, and whether they are close to them, and whether they feel strongly about recycling products, and the need to cut greenhouse gases.

On the first date, you might also want to check whether your date has ever been married before, and also whether they have any children, before you have the chance to get too involved with them.

If you never ask these important questions, you will never know the answers, and it is important to know the answers to these questions, even if it is uncomfortable having to ask them.

Pay attention to what your date has to say, ask relevant questions about what they have told you, and give them time to ask questions of their own.

Remember that there is no need for constant conversation, and in reality time without talking gives you both some time to reflect on answers, and consider other things you would like to learn about the other person.

Unfortunately, we’re out of time and space for more tips and advice for first dates, but watch out for more in the near future!

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Whether a date’s spontaneous or planned, the first or the last date, or you’re young or old, sooner or later, going out with someone comes to this: Somebody has to ask for the date.

No matter how much or how little you plan (and regardless of your reputation, your Aunt Sylvia, the knot in your stomach, the advice of your friends, your New Year’s resolution, or your success with dating or lack thereof) nobody, with the possible exception of Adam, ever made a date without asking for it. I bet that even with God as the go-between, sooner or later Eve expected Adam to pony up and find the courage to ask if they could take a walk in Paradise, and if he didn’t, well, it explains a lot about the snake, don’t you think?

Face it, the only thing scarier than the first date is asking for the first date. But if you can remember that you’re not looking for a cure for cancer, that you won’t die even if he or she says “yes,” and that life as we know it will continue no matter what your potential date’s response, you may relax enough to actually (gulp) ask for a date.

Gazillions of perfectly normal (and lots of less than normal) people have all gotten nervous about asking for a date. You and I and everybody else are connected to a long line of sweating, nervous, stuttering, tongue-tied souls, and even the slick ones feel anxious on the inside about asking for a date. Do you feel better? No? Well, I was afraid of that. Never fear – in this chapter, I tell you some things that should comfort you in the asking, help you in the consummation, and protect you from any possible devastation beyond a teensy pinch on the ego.

Risking Rejection

The First Rule to asking for a date is this: No guts, no glory. The worst-case scenario is that the prospective date says no. At that point, you’re no worse off than you are at this very moment.

Rejection is definitely not fun, but a rejection is only one person’s opinion of you. You don’t like everyone, and not everyone is going to like you. If someone says no, then he or she misses out on getting to know how truly terrific you are.

Rejection can be the beginning of opportunity. Scads of hugely successful people just wouldn’t take no for an answer. Think about Fred Astaire: When he first went to Hollywood, a talent scout wrote, “Big ears, too skinny, big nose, can dance a little.” Many famous beauties and stars in many fields had to cope with someone’s negative opinion of them – nobody hasn’t faced rejection.

The question is: Are you going to let it get you down? Of course not! Alexander the Great probably conquered the world by the age of 30 because some shortsighted lass turned him down – maybe because he was too intense or short or something. Maybe that rejection made him want to make more than most

Grecians earn. (It’s a pun; say it out loud – but definitely don’t use it until the fourth or fifth date or after you’re married or your last kid leaves for college or your hearing has gone.)

Rejection means that that person says no but not that everyone will. You need to realize when no is no, when someone’s showing absolutely no interest. If someone consistently says no when you ask for a date, it’s okay to say, “Look, I hear that you’re not interested, and I don’t want to be a pest. If you ever change your mind, here’s my number,” or “I’ll call you in a year,” but then for heaven’s sake, don’t call any sooner than that. With time, the sting really does go away.

Conversely, if you really don’t want to go out with someone, don’t say, “Maybe” or “Call me next week.” Just say, “Thank you for asking, but it’s just not possible.” Remember that the world is a very small place. You may change your mind, or that person you turn down may marry your best friend or be in a position to hire you someday. There is no reason to ever hurt someone whose only sin is being interested in you, so be gentle but firm.

Rejection isn’t gender specific. It’s not any easier for guys to face rejection than it is for women. We’ve just programmed men for power, and asking someone out is boss, even if the whole experience is tinged with fear. Either sex can feel more powerful by taking the initiative and asking someone out.

A brush-off with style

The coolest rejection I ever got was from a guy who told me that he’d just gotten a call from an old girlfriend. He said, “She’s reemerged in my life, and I need to see where it goes. I’ll either marry her and invite you to the wedding, or I’d like to finally put it to rest. No matter what happens, I’d like to be able to call you.” Cool, huh?

Biology has nothing to do with the ability to tolerate possible rejection. Women, if you’ve never asked a guy out, you should do it for your own liberal education. Guys love it. However, they may think you’re hotter to trot (sexually) than you really are, so take that into consideration.

If you’re afraid of rejection, you may miss out on a lot in this life, which is pretty darned short as it is. See if you can put that angst away, take the chip off your shoulder, and go for it.

Improving Your Odds

When asking for a date, having a plan is crucial, but you’ve got to stay a little loose. The more structured you are, the more dependent you are on meshing well with a stranger. Therefore, you need to read the signs, stay loose, and keep things light, flexible, and open. You can seriously improve the chances of getting a yes if you keep these tips in mind when you ask for a date.

Never ask for a first date for a Friday or Saturday night

These two main, big, serious date nights are too important a place to start. Asking for a first date on a Friday or Saturday is like playing at Wimbledon without a tennis lesson or having ever played on grass or at all. Even people who don’t have dates and haven’t had one for ages are often loathe to admit their plight to a stranger (and if you haven’t had a first date, you’re still strangers).

Start off with a Wednesday or Thursday night, which are nights when people generally don’t have much planned. Also avoid Mondays like the plague. Everybody hates Mondays.

Never say, “Would you like to go out sometime?”

If you phrase the invitation like this and the askee says “no,” you’ve left yourself absolutely no out except to be swallowed up by a prayed-for earthquake.

If the person says “yes,” you still have to ask him or her out. Yikes. Instead, be specific. It’s much better to say, “I’d love to see the new exhibit at the museum. Any interest in going either Wednesday or Thursday?” You offer a specific opportunity (as well as alternative days) and at the same time, you give your potential date a great deal of room in which to negotiate without sounding wishy-washy or desperate. Giving specifics also allows your potential date a couple of seconds to think about it, rather than getting caught completely off guard.

Always offer options about the date

Options can include the day, time, activity, and transportation. Options make you sound organized without being bossy or rigid, as long as you keep them limited. Offering a few choices at the outset makes you sound less panicky than you would if you were to offer them after the potential date says no to your initial suggestion.

If you’re specific about the date and your potential date doesn’t like the suggested activity but does like you, you can modify your plan.

Also, although a plan with several separate possibilities requires more work on your part, it offers a better chance of success – and a chance to figure out whether your potential date has any interest in you. After all, if you’ve offered all options regarding place, time, date, activity, and so on and the answer is still no, the problem is as clear as the writing on the wall, and you’ve hit the wall. Take a deep breath and move on. It’s not the end of the world, just this potential date. Scary but efficient.

By offering to meet there, go in separate cars, or pick her up, you instantly show yourself to be considerate, capable, and sensitive to the fact that females have heard horror stories about being abducted by a date and never seen again.Although you’re not Jack the Ripper, understanding that she may feel a little uneasy about being in a car with a stranger makes you a liberated and cool guy for thinking like a modern woman. You will score major points.

In the initial stages of dating, people sometimes want so much to be liked that they agree to things at the expense of their integrity. If your potential date has enough sense to say, “I’d love to do something with you, just not mud wrestling,” then give that person a gold star. Don’t be offended – be pleased. You have just found someone with brains, courage, and honesty.

Remember that timing is everything

Don’t ask for tomorrow or next year. A basic rule is to ask for a first date a week to ten days in advance, but you can break this rule with impunity as the need arises. You can ignore these guidelines if the spirit moves you to be spontaneous. For example, “Hey, got time for an ice cream cone?” can get you an immediate yes; you can also expand this invitation to a “maybe next week” if you get a no.

Now is always a better time to ask than later because your courage may diminish over time. There are some obvious exceptions to this rule: Don’t ask someone who is in a crisis (never ask for a date at a funeral), just getting out of a relationship (never ask for a date at a divorce hearing, even if the person isn’t one of the parties involved; it’s bad karma), or going through any other experience when you may appear to be exploiting a weakness. You need to take the other person’s life situation into account as well.

Always go for it if you’re having a good hair or anything else day

You’re cuter when you’re happy, and self-confidence is sexy. Don’t get into the “well, today is a write-off, I may as well ask, get rejected, and make it a perfect score” mentality. You can tolerate being turned down more easily when you’re feeling strong – not to mention that rejection is a lot less likely.

Asking someone out for a first date isn’t the time to trot out your best anything, including your imagination, checkbook, or best friend. This is a time to think KISS: Keep it Simple, Sweetie. All you want to do here is send a clear and gentle but important message: I’d like to spend some time getting to know you better. Are you interested?

The Invitation: Sending the Message

You have several options when actually asking for the date. The choices may be influenced by circumstances (like distance), personality, and personal style. In general, the closer you are when you ask, the better. When you’re close to the person, you get more information, you appear more courageous, and you get some practice for the date.

Answering machine etiquette

An answering machine message, unlike an offthe- cuff remark or rumor or discussion, can be saved and replayed and misinterpreted and overanalyzed and overreacted to and thrown back in your face. Not only that, but you never know who’s going to be listening on the other end. Here are six messages never to leave on a date’s machine:

1. You’re the best I’ve ever had.

2. I never want to see you again.

3. It’s me. Give me a call.

4. Next time, we’ll go out.

5. Your mother is hot.

6 Can I have your friend’s phone number?

You can adapt any of the following methods for sending the message to your level of comfort. But be careful that you’re not hiding behind your comfort level – sooner or later, you’re going to have to get out there and actually date.

1. Asking in person: When possible, this is the best way to ask by far because seeing the person face-to-face gives you the most information. You can read body language and see whether the potential date looks pleased, terrified, God-forbid-revolted, or delighted. Based on the other person’s reaction, you can then modify your behavior accordingly or run. The disadvantage with asking in person is that it’s also the scariest for the exact same reasons. But it’s still preferred and also the friendliest technique.

2. Asking on the phone: This method gives you less information, but if you get panicky, you can always hang up before they answer (although caller ID has made hanging up without saying anything a great deal trickier). When you ask over the phone, nobody can see your palms sweating; but then again, you also can’t see your potential date’s reaction.

Never ask an answering machine for a date. It’s cowardly, sends the wrong message (you’re manipulating them by making them call back before you ask them out), and occasionally, the machine actually eats the message. You never know if your potential date got the message or if it was intercepted by a protective parent, a jealous ex, a careless roommate, or the Fates.

3. Asking through a third party: In elementary school, you may have asked your best friend to ask her best friend if someone liked you. You may have even eventually gotten an answer, but after Suzy told Peter, and Peter told you, were you really 100 percent sure about the answer? Third parties are a very unreliable method of information flow. When other people get involved, sometimes they add their two cents to your message. For example, what if your best friend liked me and wanted you to ask me if I’d go out on a date with him? Can you see lots of room for sabotage and miscommunication?

Remember the story of our Pilgrim forefathers, John Alden and Miles Standish? Miles was the governor who asked his best friend John to intercede on his behalf with Priscilla Mullens. Priscilla decided she liked the messenger, and Miles was left out in the cold. Don’t ask somebody else to ask for your date. The messenger may end up taking your potential date, and then not only do you still need a date but you also need a new friend.

4. Asking with a note: Even though computers have made notes faster and sexier, notes don’t offer you much information and feedback, whether they’re e-mail or snail mail (through the post office). When you ask with a note, you also don’t know the mood your potential date may be in. In addition, a note opens the opportunity for interception, misinterpretation, a delay in feedback, and a lack of flexibility. Ask anybody who’s asked for an RSVP to a written invitation, and you begin to understand the problem with asking for a date through a note. If you’re absolutely determined to ask for a date in writing, I suggest a handwritten note via the post office because it’s classier and implies more effort and concern.

A brief note here on sending a note with flowers, cigars, wine, a baseball hat, a ticket, or any gift: Sending gifts with the note is cute but tricky. You don’t want to appear to be bribing your potential date on the first date. Gifts can be a token of respect and admiration and are okay and even valuable as you’re getting to know each other, but they can be too much too soon. Besides, you don’t want to have to top yourself later and end up buying your potential date a small country by the fourth date. Start out simply.

Getting an Answer

Okey, dokey – you’ve made plans, offered options, and asked for a date. Now what? Well, either the answer is yes, you have a date, or no, you don’t. If the answer is yes, you’re flying and ready to go on to planning the old date-aroony.

Dealing with a no

If the answer is no, you have nothing to lose by asking if another day, place, time, or event would suit them. Listen to the response carefully. Often people really are tied up working late, taking care of a sick parent, getting out of a relationship, studying, or being distracted and would be willing to consider an invitation in the future, just not now.

If you’re feeling brave, you can say, “If not now, how soon?” If you’re feeling a bit vulnerable, you can say, “Let me give you my number, and you can give me a call when you’re ready.” The middle ground is to say, “Why don’t I give you a holler in a week or two and see how you’re doing?” If your potential date says fine, then do it. If he or she says “I’ll call you,” don’t hold your breath. Who needs to turn blue?

Getting some feedback

If you get a no, you may want to take a minute to try to figure out why. Make sure you haven’t gotten into some bad habits. You may need to ask yourself some tough questions. Are you too eager, too desperate, too whiny, too silly, or too tense? Is your breath okay? Do you make eye contact?

No matter how honest you think you are, give yourself some balance by asking a willing friend to critique your approach (you’ve seen it in a million movies where the hero or heroine practices in front of a mirror – no, not Travis Bickle’s “You lookin’ at me?” line). Balance your friend’s feedback with your own opinion so that you’re not being too easy or too harsh on yourself. If you mess up your careful scenario, your friend can give you some tips and hints on improving it, and you can make sense of what you meant to say or do.

Practicing can help you get a grip on your nerves. A little nervousness is flattering to the potential date because it shows that you really want to get to know him or her. Too much nervousness can panic both of you. All things considered, it’s probably even better to be a little bit nervous than so nonchalant and cool that your potential date has the sense you couldn’t care less if he or she accepts your invitation or not, because if he or she isn’t interested, no biggie, it’s not them, you’ll just move on to someone else. It’s not a terrible idea to start a first date on an honest basis. I know – don’t tell anybody I told you, and we’ll try to keep it our dirty little secret.

Dating Advice takes one of the most complicated, anxiety-filled social rituals we have and provides the reader with an easy-to-understand handbook for success. Short of sending flowers, I can think of no better way to survive dating as we head into the 21st century!

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Although this article has a lot of great dating tips, advice, and ideas, it offers much more. It gives you an education and a step-by-step strategy that you can use to dramatically improve your dating success and enjoyment.

To draw your attention to key points, you will find these markers throughout the text: (Dating Tip:) & (Dating Ideas:).

Benefits to Mastery

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if our actions were dictated by instincts that we have no control over, like it is with animals. The difference, of course, is that humans have an infinitely superior intelligence that provides us with the ability to think, analyze, and choose.

Mastering dating rituals and techniques can change everything in terms of how successful you are in the courting process. This includes not only having the ability to recognize early when it’s time to move on, but also how to create romance and passion with the person you have determined to be a promising match.

(Dating Tip:) Dating rituals and techniques create the mystery and romance that women love and render the enticement and passion that men love.

Other benefits to gaining these skills is having more poise and confidence, which translate to having more fun! The final reward is a successful dating experience with someone you recognize as being the one who’s right for you!

Building from the Basics

We will develop this information from a solid foundation by building from the basics of dating. For it is through the dating basics or rituals where we will apply the techniques that we shall learn about. Even the highly experienced dating veteran will benefit from this review.

The first date can produce a wide range of feelings from extreme nervousness and apprehension to being relaxed and self-assured for the well prepared or experienced. Opinions on how the date went can also vary widely from, “I think we had a great time” to “I’m not sure if either one of us had a good time or not.” The uncertainty and mixed emotions are normal. The variation to either end of the scale of possible emotions depends on how much dating experience a person has and how long it’s been since they dated last.

Responsibility for at least the first several dates, even by today’s standards, typically rests almost entirely on the man. Ladies can be helpful, however, by being cooperative with plans and gracious as her man tries his best to execute the various dating rituals and customs such as opening doors, ordering wine, and so forth without stumbling.

First Date

The first date should be scheduled a week to two (2) weeks in advance, and it should be on a weekday (Monday through Thursday), not Friday or Saturday night. Friday, and especially Saturday, nights are reserved for the more advanced stages of dating. If work or school schedules doesn’t permit this, then a date during the day on Saturday or Sunday will work.

(Dating Tip:) Incidentally, you should be trying to date several people, or at least more than one (1), during your quest. Focusing on just one person can stifle your resolve to reach your target.

Guys, you should select a particular day and time for your date in advance of asking her. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into your plan (Monday through Thursday, anytime, or Saturday or Sunday, during the day). If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would not include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it!

(Dating Tip:) The reason for all these tactical moves is this: If she is interested, she will help make it happen by re-arranging her schedule or by offering a specific alternative. Ladies, I’m sure you will agree with this.

(Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, if you do get an unclear response to your invitation for a date, then make the decision based on your gut instincts on whether you should give it a second try or move on. If the second try doesn’t work, then don’t waste your time, just move on! The same is true for the ladies.

(Dating Tip:) If a guy is not following these guidelines by not giving you enough advanced notice, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! In either case, the situation for the person you are attracted to could change in the future, but for now they are probably not interested.

The destination for your date should be simple and inexpensive, but clean and nice, and in your neighborhood. There is no sense investing your time or a lot of money until you determine if you like each other.

(Dating Tip:) Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date. (Dating Ideas:) Possible locations for a first date might be at a local tavern, a coffee house, or an inexpensive restaurant.

Your Best Act is Being Yourself

Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win someone over will only attract those with superficial intentions.

(Dating Tip:) Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Actually, the most important thing you can do on a date is to be yourself. There is always the temptation to act like the “Goddess Princess” or the “Knight in Shining Armor,” especially after a few drinks. There is also the tendency to go along with things that conflict with your values, or to overstate your accomplishments or virtues.

Trying to be somebody you aren’t will not only bind you to a pack of lies, but it will often bring about an arrogant and conceited manner in you. It’s also a lot of work being someone you’re not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone fall in love with you as you truly are? Of course you would! So do it. Be yourself!

Attraction Intoxication

Although you may be intoxicated by the beautiful or handsome appearance of your date, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings just yet. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. .

(Dating Tip:) In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating. They can be offensive to women, and sometimes to men as well.

Do not permit physical attraction (or lust) to cloud your judgment. When this happens, your vision begins to fade away, and you risk the chance of fooling yourself into believing that you have found the one who’s right for you. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure your emotional requirements. Because when you find someone who satisfies both, the fireworks will be a continuous grand finale’, and not a brief show followed by a string of duds.

So don’t settle for an individual who falls short of your vision.

(Dating Tip:) To quickly determine if someone meets our criteria, we need to pay attention to our intuition and not be timid about attempting to determine their true character through tactful questions.

Tactical Questions

Keep the conversation light during the first few dates, but try to tactfully find out if your date has the qualities you seek in a partner or friend.

(Dating Tip:) And don’t tell them your whole life story and all your intimate secrets right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Take notice of your date’s personality attributes and how they demonstrate their values through their actions and unrehearsed comments. Then ask yourself, “Do their responses reflect my values?” Human resource professionals carefully use crafted questions to get people to talk about themselves while they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character.

(Dating Tip:) Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation.

On the first few dates, your questions should be geared toward discovering what you have in common and generating stimulating conversation. Save the more probing and tactical questions for a later time down the road. Typical questions might include:

- Where did you grow up?

- Do you have brothers/sisters?

- Where did you go to high school/college?

- What are your favorite movies?

- What are your favorite songs?

- What are your favorite sports?

- What type of books do you read?

More probing questions, which tend to reveal a lot about a person, should not occur until the third or fourth date. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like manner. Probing questions might include:

- Where do you see yourself in three (3) to five (5) years?

- Using single words, how would you describe yourself?

- What’s your greatest achievement?

- What’s your greatest disappointment?

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- What is your best attribute?

Here are a few words of caution regarding the use of questions.

(Dating Tip:) If you’re dating more than one person at the same time, and you have any tendency to get confused about what you’ve talked about with each individual, I would suggest that you make notes on what you talked about in your journal or calendar.

Nothing is more disappointing to a date than when it is discovered that you can’t remember what you spoke to them about.

(Dating Tip:) On the other hand, nothing is more charming to them than when you remember specific details about your conversation.

At the End & Before the Next Date

Gentlemen, if when saying good night on the first date you feel a kiss might be appropriate, kiss her once to the duration that feels right.

(Dating Tip:) Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for a second date!

Ladies, be sure to thank your date for the things that he bought you during the date. Be sensitive to the fact that dating is expensive and you never know how deep a man is going into his current budget to take you out.

Wait a few days and think it over. Is he or she worth pursuing? If so, gentlemen call her about a week later and schedule the second date for around a week from then.

(Dating Tip:) Ladies if you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out.

Just get yourself back out there! Ladies, if you’re the one who’s not interested, simply refuse his offer for a date, even if you don’t have a date for the company Christmas party! You’d make a much better impression on your friends and management if you were there with someone who was truly right for you!

Second Date

The second date should be advanced one more step by scheduling it later in the week on a Thursday or Friday evening, or Sunday, but not Saturday night! The destination should remain inexpensive, but slightly more adventuresome.

(Dating Ideas:) Perhaps a light dinner at a unique sandwich or coffee shop, a movie, a special ice cream parlor, and/or a walking tour through a popular area with a lot of interesting stores.

The goodbye kiss on the second date can last a little longer, or a kiss or two (2) during the date is OK, but don’t draw them out for too long.

(Dating Tip:) Build up to that. Then later on down the line, after your friendship and feelings have been established, the long romantic kiss will be very heartfelt and memorable.

If rushed, there’s the possibility that the progress of your relationship development may not match, resulting in an awkward moment. So let interest, excitement, and romance develop at its own pace and give your partner/friend something to think about between dates!

(Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, after the goodnight kiss, if there is one (some people take longer and that’s OK too), say good night and leave.

Do not linger! And do not schedule the next date then. Wait! Waiting not only gives you a cooling off period to get your head straight, but it also builds excitement and romance.

Third Date

If things seem to be advancing well and your date appears to fit your criteria so far, gentlemen, ask her for a third date after about a week and schedule it approximately a week in advance. And elevate the courting process to the next level, perhaps a Friday or even a Saturday night!

(Dating Ideas:) Dinner and dancing, or dinner and a movie are good choices.

Ladies, if he doesn’t meet your criteria at this point, move on!

(Dating Tip:) Don’t think that you can change him! Instead of wasting time, get back out there! If he calls, just tell him that your situation has changed and you’re no longer available. If he’s persistent, be honest, but also remember to be kind and empathetic. Just tell him something like, “I think we would both be happier with someone else.”

I am placing more emphasis at this point on the ladies decision on whether they should move on because women typically have better judgment than men during the early stages of dating. Later on, it switches.

Dancing Expresses the Heart

I am going to change directions for a couple of minutes to provide you with some important and exciting thoughts about dancing. Let me start by giving you a bit of history on dancing. Humans have been dancing for thousands of years. Many different forms and uses evolved along with the development of human society.

Although dancing was used for a wide variety of situations, its underlining purpose in most of them was to inspire and to gain unity of thought or focus. Male warriors danced together to strengthen one another, females danced together to support one another, spiritual leaders danced to achieve a closer connection with their higher power, and lovers danced together to celebrate, connect, and express their affections for each other.

I would suspect that the greatest number of dance variations, especially in modern society, exist between men and women. There’s the waltz, the tango, the swing, the two-step, and many more. My favorite is the free-style dance that you might see in a nightclub, because it allows complete freedom to express your individuality.

Whatever your tastes are in dance, what is important is whether or not you and your partner/friend harmonize in style, rhythm, and tempo.

(Dating Tip:) If not, it is very likely that you will not harmonize in other major areas of your relationship as well, but especially in the area of romantic compatibility.

Think back. Have you ever danced with someone who seemed to be dancing alone? They moved in a manner and speed that was way out of rhythm from yours?

Have you ever danced with someone who forcibly led with his or her own style without regard to whether you were following or enjoying it? Have you ever noticed how this same person tried to control everything off the dance floor as well? It’s very uncomfortable to be in these situations and not enjoyable or fun as it should be.

In contrast, when you find someone who harmonizes with your dancing style, the activity can be both fun and erotic! You will also find that you get along, almost mysteriously well, off the dance floor as well! If you can’t fully appreciate the amorous and romantic aspects of dancing, rent the movie “Dirty Dancing.”

You can see then that the way a person dances is really an expression of their internal self.

(Dating Tip:) Therefore, it is important to zero in on this aspect of your interactions when you’re with someone. Don’t settle for less, either. Dancing with the one who’s right can be absolutely magical! And your dancing skills really have little to do with it. Now let’s return to our main topic.

Evaluate Your Aim

After the third date, it’s time to consider if you should continue dating this person or not.

(Dating Tip:) Start by reviewing your criteria for an ideal partner or friend and comparing it to the person you’ve been seeing. If you have not yet created a list of criteria for your perfect partner, I would strongly suggest that you do.

Do not rationalize! Think carefully about your evaluation and then make a decision to continue or move on. And stick to it! Incidentally, this choice becomes a lot easier if you’re dating more than one person at the same time, which is highly recommended.

Reality before Sex

If you’ve decided to proceed, and you feel sex is a possibility, it’s time to revisit reality, and discuss contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). This would be appropriate for couples of any age.

(Dating Tip:) You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it’s your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

(Dating Tip:) I would strongly suggest no matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, that you make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for STD’s before your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee.

Fourth through Sixth Date

If you’re ready to move on to dates four (4) through six (6) it’s time to start planning some adventures.

(Dating Ideas:) Guys, get creative and do some research to find some unique restaurants and activities such as dinner cruises, plays, concerts, or special events. Concentrate on the activities that would take you outside of the area where your date lives or works. Your objective is to create unique, memorable, and adventurous experiences together.

After the sixth date, it’s time (once again) to consider whether or not you want to continue dating this person.

(Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend. At this point, it may be more difficult to break away or think clearly, especially if you’ve been intimate and your weekends are no longer lonely but filled with the excitement of dating!

Think carefully about your evaluation, and then go with your gut instincts as to whether you should continue or end it. Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to end a relationship in the early stages than later. In fact, as time goes on, it gets progressively more difficult. So give it serious consideration, and don’t allow a temporary good time to postpone your discovery of the one who’s right! If you decide to continue though, do so with gusto!

Seventh through Ninth Date

If you decide to move on to dates seven (7) through nine (9), it’s time for some trips, some introductions into your personal world, and some romantic activities. Ladies, at this point, it would be fitting for you to start planning an activity every once in a while, where you pay for a portion or all of the expense.

Even if it’s just a home-cooked meal, most men will love it!

(Dating Tip:) Guys, some brainstorming and research may be required here. Also, planning an activity together might be appropriate, allow you to see how you work together, and may result in a truly memorable experience!

(Dating Ideas:) Trips might include an entire day (or evening) at an amusement park, cultural center, a specialty show, a zoo, or a museum. For those who are more sports orientated, a day of snow or water skiing, sailing, golf, or tennis may be more of an appeal.

(Dating Tip:) Exposure to each other’s personal world is necessary so that you can thoroughly assess the integrity of your matching. This means that you need to introduce your partner/friend to a couple of people and activities that are important to you in your life. Then you will need to do the same with your partner/friend and gain exposure to key people and activities in their life.

(Dating Tip:) You will then be able to determine whether or not your two (2) lives will blend together successfully.

(Dating Ideas:) Romantic activities can vary from a walk on the beach, a picnic in the country, or a candle light dinner at home to those of greater intimacy such as a weekend at a resort.

After the ninth (9th) date, it’s time (once again) to evaluate whether or not you want to continue the relationship.

(Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend.

At this point, the idea of breaking it off can be painful. But if it’s not working by now, I can assure you, it probably never will! So if your evaluations on this person are coming out poorly and they have few, if any, of the qualities you “must have” or “cannot have” in a relationship then you need to face facts.

(Dating Tip:) Don’t rationalize! Don’t sell yourself short! And don’t waste anymore time! Think carefully about the conclusions you came to in your evaluation. Make a decision, and don’t look back!

If, on the other hand, you determine that the person you are dating matches your criteria for an ideal partner or friend, and you feel that the chemistry is right, then continue on without fear, without hesitation, and without measure of what you expect to receive in return!

Brad Paul

Solotopia.com

Copyright © Brad Paul

To learn more about rejection and how be unaffected by it read my article on the Solotopia website entitled, “How to Handle Rejection.”

To learn more about how to use intuition read my article on the Solotopia website entitled, “Intuition – How to Access, Recognize, & Trust It.”

For more dating questions read my article on the Solotopia website entitled, “Dating Questions for Successful Relationships – 80 Tactical Questions.”

To learn how to create a list of criteria for your perfect partner read my article on the Solotopia website entitled, “How to Find Love with the Person Who’s Right for You.”

There are links to the above titles in the original article on the Solotopia website. To go there, click:http://www.solotopia.com/dating-tips.html

To see a list of all articles by category at Solotopia.com, click: http://www.solotopia.com/dating-articles.html

Brad Paul is the founder of Solotopia.com, which provides FREE resources for being single successfully whether a person chooses to remain unattached, just date, or find a perfect partner.

Brad began learning about the needs of singles as he built and led a unique, highly successful non-profit singles organization. He refined his knowledge about singles as he researched and wrote books on finding a perfect partner and couple’s communication. Before changing careers, he headed a marketing group responsible for generating $400 million dollars in annual sales.

It is not easy balancing being a single parent with dating. Single parents face many other challenges than those who are just single and dating. Here are several dating tips for single parents to help ease that nervousness.

For those who have already taken the plunge into dating; some single parenting tips to help you discuss your new dating life with your children follow the dating points for single parents.

Make a list of qualities your dating partner must have, qualities you would like them to possess and qualities that absolutely will not work for you. If a long term kinship is your goal; a desire to have a family might be significant.

Qualities that you do not want may include a party lifestyle or lack of motivation. You may also want someone who has an understanding of the demands of parenthood or at least a desire to learn about those demands.

Be mindful of your appearance when in social settings. Don’t wear overly revealing apparel. You don’t want to give the impression that you are readily available. Act like you are respectful of yourself and your date.

Work on building a friendly framework of friends. Participating in social activities with friends is a great way to meet people with like interests in a nonthreatening group environment. Get around and meet people. It is a good thought to make conversation and introduce yourself.

For blind dates, get contact information. Begin corresponding with the person via email so you can begin to learn about the person. This is a great way to find more and get a feeling for their interests. This will help ease nervousness on the first date; and hopefully you will have a more enjoyable date.

If you have little ones, this may be awkward. It needn’t be stressful. A simple response that you are spending time with a close friend will suffice in the beginning. If a relationship progresses into more; you can begin to talk over you dating partner with your children.

It’s important to make sure you give enough time for the kids to adapt to the new situation. Expect your youngsters to have questions and concerns.

Answer their questions honestly and keep the communication lines open. Assure your children they are still your priority and you dating does not change how you feel when you are with them.

Learn more about online dating tips for single parents. Stop by Janice Lee’s site where you can find out all about Single online dating site for single parents and what it can do for you.

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Relationships can be difficult, no matter what your age or circumstances. If you are a baby boomer and back in the dating scene after a period of time, relationships can be somewhat confusing.

It will seem like all the rules have changed, and you may end up feeling lonely, out of touch, or just plain old. If you have just begun to date again after a long absence from the dating scene, here are some ideas on how to approach the world of dating as a baby boomer.

• It will not be as easy to meet someone to date as it was when you were younger, so you will have to make an effort to meet potential prospects. Asking your friends if they know anyone single may not be a good idea because you will then be including them in a very private area of your life.
• There are many ways to met someone on your own, including online dating sites, dances for single people, and joining groups of singles who have something in common with you.
• Let the first date flow naturally, without building up expectations about what it will lead to. If you genuinely like the person during the date, there is more of a chance that this could lead into a long term relationship.
• Go out once or twice more before introducing the new person to your friends or family. It will be better if it is simply a chance meeting when they do first meet. For example, if you agree to take one car and one person picks up the other one at their house, a friend or relative may get the chance to meet them for a few minutes before you leave for your destination.

Remember that any relationship is built on honesty, trust, and understanding. Being open with the other person will be helpful, whether you are a baby boomer or not.

And now I invite you to find out more about meeting the right man for you by visitinghttp://www.StartingANewRelationship.com and learn how to find the right man for you for a long term relationship or marriage.

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So, you’ve met the perfect guy for you. He’s good-looking, financially stable and clicks with you on every level. You feel as though you should bring him home to meet your parents.

However, you don’t know how to ask a guy to be your boyfriend. But, don’t worry! The next few paragraphs are going to help you through it.

1) Before your do it

First things first; you’ll need to think this through. Are your feelings for him that strong? Will that feeling be reciprocated? Are you sure it will last? How would he react to it?

All of these questions and more need to be answered before you decide to express your feelings to him. It’s best to go out with him a few times in order to judge his character.

This will help you answer the aforementioned questions. After that, you can decide for yourself whether you want to go through with.

2) Pick your spots

If you’ve decided he’s the man for you, then congratulations! Now, you’ll have to start planning a perfect way to say it. Choose the right place to tell him. It could in the middle of the bridge in a park if you’re the romantic type.

If you’re more sentimental, go to the first restaurant you had had your first date with. Wherever you choose, make sure it’s quiet and you’re alone. If you’re in a restaurant, ask for a private table.

This will help in creating an atmosphere where both of you can only see each other. Also, private surroundings help bring out your sincerity.

3) Perfect timing

Now, you can’t execute the rest of the plan without knowing when to do it. And finding out the right moment to tell him can be quite troublesome.

When asking a guy to be your boyfriend, you’ll have to make sure that the moment will not be ruined by anything else. So, make sure that your schedule for the day is free; your phone is off the hook and tell your friends not to bother you.

Also, find out his state of mind on that day. He could be mad at something or he could be preoccupied. It’s best if you took him out to have a bit of fun before popping the question.

4) The magic words

You are already sure that he’s the man for you, you’ve chose the perfect place and the timing is accurate to the second. Here comes the most crucial part of the plan – professing your love (or strong feelings).

Although there is no clear-cut way of getting started, but perhaps you can begin with telling him how he has made you feel every time you’re together.

Then, move on to the part where you wish to be more than friends with him and tell him you hope he has the same feelings for you. There is no distinct way in asking a guy to be your boyfriend, so if you feel lost, just blurt it out!

5) The aftermath

Now, it’s time to see his reaction. The most common ones are shock, then amusement which leads to acceptance. It could be sealed with a kiss or a hug. On the other hand, it’s possible for him to need some time to think it over. Allow him some space and don’t hold your breath.

There is no quick-fire way in asking a guy to be your boyfriend. But, if you think positively and you’re sure it’s a perfect match, things will work out on their own.

Did you sometimes feel like you can ONLY attract men you DON’T want? And do you feel like this problem’s been a pattern for some time now? Catch and Keep Him !

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Isn’t it cool if you know how to interpret body language? By then, you can tell how a person feels towards you in particular. Or even with the absence of words, you still get the message.

Read Post…

Sure some of your friends have kidded you but none of them has ever been critical. They know that it is just the way you are. But the person you are going out with for the first time does not really know you and vice versa.

Read Post…

There are two schools of thought on this. The reality however may be something else entirely.

Asking for a first date is a process that begins way before the first words are even uttered. The mechanics of the process are universal and applicable across all generations with a few exceptions. This article will concentrate on the exceptions that affect the senior boomers generation.

Offer Compliments

Offering complements is a great way to set the ball rolling. You can offer complements about one’s cooking, gardening skills among other things.

Talk to each other

If you belong to the same hobby group or attend the same church, you should make an effort to establish communication. At first, the talk need not more than just banter.

Check if your target is available

Before asking a senior boomer for a date, it is important to make sure that they are available to date.

Comfort zone

People will only agree to go out on a date if they feel comfortable around each other. Therefore, before bringing the idea of a date into focus, you should find ways and means of making the other party comfortable around you.

Plan in Advance

Senior boomers are not renowned for their spontaneous nature. Therefore, prior planning is desired when asking for a first date.

This will provide the other party with time to sort out their calendar and plan for the date.

Confirmation Call

Once arrangements for a date have been made, it is prudent to call to confirm the date details with your date to be.

Have a plan

This basically entails knowing where you will be going for the date and what you will be doing. Most senior boomers appreciate serene and tranquil environments where they can enjoy each other’s company.

Pick her up

Senior boomers were bred knowing that a gentleman should always pick up his date, pay for the date and drop her home. Anything that deviates from this norm will not go down well with a senior boomer.

Want to learn more dating tips? Come join

Boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.

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Sounds like a city ordinance from the 1950′s.  While it’s not that extreme, dating expert Janice Hoffman does say it may not be a good idea.

Perhaps like the rest of us, she was traumatized by this unfortunate dance accident/incident.

Amy Minsky:

She became increasingly anxious after plans to meet Josh were set, but when the day came and the date got underway, her nervousness melted away. The date was, in Annie’s words, “quite perfect.”

The second date was less so. Instead of picking up where the first date left off, Josh took a bold step forward and discussed sexual fantasies. At Annie’s urging, conversation eventually returned to topics she felt were more fitting for a second date. Feeling the last half of that date was again “quite perfect,” Annie was pretty confident when the two parted ways and said, “see you soon.”

But Josh must have been on a different page.

Josh was on a different page.

You pull on all the charm, intelligence, and wit you have at your disposal in an attempt to make sure the first things that potential dates learn about you are the best possible things. Then why is it that so often people cant seem to take that same careful consideration and verbal editing when it comes to actual physical dating?

It is the kind of thing that could put you in a very negative light from your date’s point of view. It can also increase the odds that you will not get a second date.

(continue reading…)