The Relationship Tip

Most marriage problems stem from a lack of communication in the marital relationship. While most couples would tell you that they work hard to communicate with their spouse, most spouses feel that there is a lack of communication on their partner’s behalf. This is mostly because from each person’s perspective they believe that they are effectively communicating their point of view, but the information is not being clearly received on the other side.

A lack of communication, however, is actually something that can be resolved relatively simply and one of the best ways to resolve it is to set up communication rules. This means basically guidelines that will help improve the effectiveness of your communication as a couple.

1. Use A Talking Object- When one partner is talking the other needs to be quietly listening, and this can only happen when you are taking turns. Most couples will talk over each other, because they are so anxious to make their point and they wind up missing what the other person is saying. Using an object that is held for the purpose of communicating can really help couples take their time to talk and also their time to listen. This object is held by the person who is talking and helps to create an environment where one person has the floor and the other one is just listening.

2. Stay Focused On One Issue At A Time- What often happens when a couple is discussing something, they tend to get off track and bring up issues from the past. This is not a means to effective communication, and is also not what the issue is at the moment. Even if you think that something from the past also relates to what you are discussing, it should still not be brought into the current conversation. If you stay focused on one issue at a time, you will be able to effectively communicate and resolve all issues that you, as a couple, are facing.

3. Think Before You Speak- Attempt to not discuss issues instantly, as an alternative have a waiting period. Generally as something first comes about everybody can be a bit more defensive as well as roused. Making a special day and time to sit down and address issues for the week, serves as a more beneficial way to discuss situations. After a brief time has elapsed you’ll in all probability be better capable to converse about the issue without converting the communicating into a fired up confrontation.

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Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not unexpected. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

Good communication needs practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking.Your body language and expressions can speak a lot about what you like and dislike. Facial expressions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse?
Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and demand a solution. Solutions usually start at the negotiating table where both parties are inclined to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a nice and comfortable time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your partner in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time. This gives both of you some time to summarize your idealisation. It’s not good to come to the table without preparation. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. If your partner is not as good at communicating as you then counterbalance it.  Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate.Both opinions are equally significant.

Do not get disturbed while talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate.  That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Look for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue.Do not give up. Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must live in both.
Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is evident, professional help may be needed.Communication will not solve all your difficulties but it’s a good startup.