The Relationship Tip

The causes of extramarital affairs are many and varied. Some are frivolous, some stem from serious marriage problems and some come from deep psychological problems.

It can be unfair to tar all people in an affair with the same brush just as it is not a good idea to approach each affair with the same attitude. To really understand what is going on you need to have a clear view of the cause of an affair so you can have a clear view of how to deal with it; here are X common causes of extramarital affairs to help you out.

1. The Marriage

Most affairs you may think, stem from problems with the marriage but in reality only some of those affairs are directly related to problems of marriage.

The framework of a marriage if damaged or neglected can lead to people having affairs, this means when the responsibilities, duties and communication of marriage fall apart while feelings of love can still remain it can feel like it is falling apart and drive people into the arms of another.

When we live a life with a partner and share everything there are certain unspoken rules we adhere to but sometimes these break down and we do not fix them, if this is the primary cause of an affair then it is fixable if you can rebuild the structure of your marriage.

2. Self Esteem issues

Some people suffer from terribly low self esteem and what is more worrying is that many put up a facade of confidence and you may not know how deeply this problem cuts.

People with low self esteem and confidence often flee problems in a marriage because they cannot handle them, they can also turn to other people for love because they feel unattractive or unloved and seek that out in others rather than working on it with their spouse.

This can sometimes be the hardest problem to fix because it is a psychological need of your partner that needs to be cured and if it is not treated can resurface again and again.

3. Love

While all of these issues relate to love in some respect only some of them are directly linked to love as the primary issue with affairs. If a person feels they are not getting enough love at home they will look for it elsewhere.

This does not mean you do not actually give them all the love they want, it can mean that your spouse wanted to excitement and passion of the time when you first met which had faded somewhat with marriage and found rekindled in another person.

This is a problem with accepting that love changes, while it is important to stoke the fires of passion now and again love does not stay the same and some people cannot accept this.

4. Sex

As much as people want to believe love is a metaphysical thing that transcends the physical most relationships with sex troubles cause issues for men and women alike.

Love and marriage is not one aspect but an amalgamation of things and sex is a major part of it. Without desire and passion the rest of a relationship can be poisoned.

Misunderstandings about the importance of sex between men and women can break marriages and drive people to an affair. While sex troubles may be caused by other problems in a relationship it is often the most obvious starting point to look at fixing.

I hope this broad overview about the causes of extramarital affairs can help you understand the situation you find yourself in and allow you some measure of control of your relationship!

Did you find this article helpful?
Do you need more information on surviving that affair?
Do you want to make sure it never happens again so you get the marital bliss you have been missing for so long?
If so click below to find out how to break free from the affair!
http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/affairs-cheating
Get your partner and your own life back now or suffer the agony of ongoing affairs and marital problems for long to come!

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A broken relationship is simply an end to a relationship based on love, trust, affection, friendship etc. It can happen to anyone, at any age with/without warning.

It is not only tagged to spouses, marriages or engagements but also affects friends, families, work colleagues….. This post will briefly address how it occurs and suggest 50 Ways To Get Over A Broken Relationship.

The following are causes of broken relationships: Distance: This occurs when friends lose contact with each other and go in separate directions e.g. relocating to another country, town or city, going to different schools/colleges, jobs etc.

A change in circumstances and seasons Lack of trust and disrespect. Lying and cheating. Break in communication. Personal Issues. Pride.

It’s important to note that are many other causes of broken relationships, but the post will be limited to this list. In no particular order, here are 50 Ways To Get Over A Broken Relationship.

1. Time: It’s important you give yourself enough time to heal, get over the hurt, gain confidence and take off from where your life paused temporarily.

2. Find out who you really are, what your temperaments, likes or dislikes are. Be yourself; be authentic, be bold, be loving, be beautiful.

3. Don’t be hard on yourself: There is always a tendency for you to heap the causes of the strain in the relationship on yourself. Cut yourself some slack and be encouraged by things that give you meaning.

4. Accept past events, the changes/challenges associated with it. As painful as it is, the underlying factor is to build a level of tolerance … resistance to these situations.

5. Examine yourself: Could you be the one who has the problem? Is your character, behavior, or attitude questionable? Are you argumentative, bossy, overbearing? It may be worthwhile examining yourself inwardly.

6. Empower yourself by listening to, reading and watching positive media that will contribute to uplifting your spirits and strengthening you.

7. Avoid being alone: Spend a lot of time with other friends, family, colleagues….. They could serve as listening ears and provide all sorts of encouragement.

8. Get some rest. It would recharge your energy levels and ensure you put things in perspective.

9. Let go of your emotions constructively. Cry if it will make you feel better, take long walks. Don’t be embarrassed at it. Whatever you do, make sure it’s constructive and makes you feel better.

10. Endeavour to resolve every confrontation or argument that may stem from past relationships.

11. Rebuild your self esteem and self confidence.

12. Improve your physical appearance, dress sense and total physical outlook. Dress smartly, casually, elegantly….(I don’t subscribe to a provocative dress sense). It helps to boost your level of confidence.

13. Create a positive attitude around you and think positively about who you are. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

14. Be careful of being taken for granted by anyone. It’s important you guard your self/heart to avoid being hurt again. There could be people (acquaintances, friends, ex’s (YES!!!), colleagues…) wanting to take advantage of your current situation for their own selfish gains or pleasure.

15. Apologize: even if you don’t feel you’re directly at fault. It is a wonderful healing process giving you peace of mind, bringing comfort and relief to both parties concerned.

16. Forgive: Forgive yourself. Don’t feel stupid or worthless at the current situation. Learn to forgive the other parties involved. Set them free!!!

17. Be Optimistic: Show a bit of optimism in your daily living, trying as much as possible to put the past behind you.

18. Don’t cultivate the habit of eating too much in order to drive away painful memories or give you comfort.

19. Don’t turn to alcohol or drugs as a quick route to escape from the hurt or drown your sorrows. The pain will still be there in the morning along with a hangover!

20. Know what you want from a new relationship or friendship.

21. Stop living in self denial. There would be fond memories of the past but you’ve got to MOVE ON!!!!!

22. Stop over analyzing several issues, actions, movements, behaviors that occurred in the past.

23. Watch what you say: Be careful not to say or get into too many conversations that will bring up the past events relating to betrayal and dishonesty.

24. Condition your thoughts: Most times, you can’t face challenges because you are drowned in negative thoughts. If you approach the past with pessimism, there is a possibility of making wrong decisions arriving at erroneous judgements.

25. Be secured: Be secured in who, what and whom you are. Learn to deal with all your insecurities.

26. Deal with all forms guilt.

27. Always think of what is best for you as you move on to conquering the hurts of the relationship.

28. Be careful not to rush into developing new relationships either by forming new friendships or dating quickly.

29. Don’t play the blame game; finding faults or apportioning blames to various people, friends, families, ex’s…….

30. Keep your distance. It gives you enough time to pull your thoughts together.

31. Think Of The Future: Let your thoughts of the future be memorable, motivating and encouraging. Work towards the picture you’ve set for yourself.

32. Face your fears knowing, it only becomes a problem, when you can’t stand up to the pressures that come your way.

33. Learn to communicate your intentions, messages, mission, purpose etc.properly.

34. Start dating and making new friends again. This contradicts what was mentioned above. The tip in context; you shouldn’t deprive yourself of the benefits of seeing someone else at the appropriate time.

35. Learn to love again remembering not everyone will act like your ex, friend, colleague etc.

36. Don’t act desperate giving in to anyone who just comes your way or appears to be nice.

37. Take one day a step at a time making sure each day is a filled with various accomplishments.

38. Stop worrying and making all kinds of unnecessary assumptions. It reduces your level of anxiety.

39. Get a new focus.

40. Spoil yourself: Get a massage. Pamper yourself in the bath with oils, soothing music and skin moisturizers.

41. Celebrate Your Progress: Be happy when you make progress/changes in any sphere of your life using it as a stimulus to building new relationships.

42. Be Patient: Being patient allows you handle various situations with confidence and assurance knowing a solution definitely exists in any circumstance.

43. Spend money wisely: There is a tendency to spend carelessly to get rid of the pain experienced such as going for expensive holidays, purchasing unnecessary or unwanted items etc. The relief is temporary but you would be left repaying the debts when you come back to your senses.

44. Learn from the experience: The sole purpose of every experience is to make you a better person who can confidently face whatever life has to offer.

45. Improve yourself at the slightest opportunity you have. Your capacity to build new relationships will depend on your personal drive to take each opportunity as stepping stones.

46. Discuss your fears: Through building positive relationships, learn to share your fears with friends and family. It could boost your self esteem through learning from the experiences of others.

47. Seek Profession Help: Where/When necessary, the services of a counsellor, psychotherapist, may be employed.

48. Start out a new hobby. Try out things you’ve never done before. It will help fill those lonely times.

49. Exercise: It is important you stay in good shape by exercising as often as you can. Apart from the healthy benefits, a lot of people feel unattractive, insecure and less confident when they are out of shape.

50. Set Goals: Be determined to come out of the broken relationship strong with new ideals, strength and character.

I look forward to your suggestions and comments.

Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach and Counsellor. He is a member of the EMCC, an accredited professional counsellor with the Counselling Society.You can go to the website Discovering Purpose to read or subscribe to personal development articles. Creating a purpose driven life through personal development

When you find out that your spouse has been cheating on you, you should not get the children involved in this matter. One of the worst mistakes people make is to throw their children in the middle of the discussion.

Read Post…

Believe me when I say that for men it is ALL about attraction. You cannot talk him into feeling deeper. You must DRIVE him there and you MUST do it in a language he understands.

Read Post…

by Daryl Campbell

In the online dating world however, non commitment is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact if utilized correctly it can be a valuable tool that can save you plenty of hassles, false starts and headaches.

(continue reading…)

The most crucial aspects of asking a girl out are your intention and your attitude. If you are successful enough with these, then dating a woman becomes fairly easy.

What I’ve noticed is that most guys concentrate too much on the words they’re going to say, and spend too little time considering their overall approach.

When learning the ropes of asking girls out, here are some key points to remember:

1) Avoid ‘Asking’

Most guys usually go horribly wrong right at the start, by actually ‘asking’ a girl to go on a date with them. What’s wrong with this? Well, simply because women appreciate it more when guys take the lead in relationships and dating.

Fail to take the lead, and any attraction she’s feeling toward you will drop. A much better technique is to already have something planned, and telling her she can come along if she wants to.

Discover the full truth about asking a girl out by taking a look at: Asking A Girl Out

2) Demonstrate Strength

Yet another error is committed when guys try too hard to win a girl’s approval. It seeps through into his body language and voice tone, and girls are aware of it in an instant.

Just so you’ll know, women hate this and do not find this impressive. So, learn not to be submissive!

Girls want guys to be confident and to be the alpha male. That means being willing to take the lead, stay in control, and being the decision-maker too.

If you are still nervous, try to fake being confidence in the beginning. Usually, you will gain confidence anyway as your experience grows.

3) Have A Busy Schedule

Girls like to date guys who have lots going on in their lives. So, try not to be available every day of the week. If you seem to be free to date her all the time, a girl might think you have no life and are too dependent on her for your happiness. Bad idea.

Always keep in mind that girls like to interpret the ‘meaning’ of things. For instance, if you look messy, she’ll begin questioning your hygiene and if you know how to take care of yourself. As much as possible, if you are going out with a girl, make sure you maintain a positive impression.

So, if you’re asking a girl out, try to mention a time when you’re free and invite her to join you. And, if she can’t do it, then suggest something else a few days later. In this way, the girl gets the impression you’re a busy guy with lots going on.

4) Show Authority

Professor Robert Cialdini wrote a book called “Influence”, that talks about the different psychological triggers that humans have. One topic was about ‘Authority’, explaining that if behave with confidence and remain in control, you’ll normally get away with what you’re doing.

So how does this apply to asking a girl out?

Well, to apply this when asking women out, always make sure that your own belief in going out with her is stronger than that of the girl. To do this, you can always set your mind to thinking she is just a part of your reality and that you can do whatever you want with confidence. Truly believe she’s going to come along, and she’ll be much more likely to join you on a date.

You’ll be delighted at how simple it is to ask a woman out, and here are some extras to make this really work for you: How To Ask Girls Out

5) Be Cool & Calm

When you’re communicating, never underestimate the importance of your own body language. As a matter of fact, up to 93% of your communication occurs through your body language and tone of voice. And so, you don’t need to be too concerned with the precise words you use.

Since this is the case, it’s essential you relax and have a chilled out body posture when talking and asking her out. Just don’t behave like your whole life depends on her saying ‘yes’.

6) Treat Her Like A Friend

A very effective way to ask a girl out is simply by acting naturally and by treating her like an old friend. By doing so, it shows you know how to relax and make her feel comfortable too, which she will appreciate.

Most of the time, girls want to be sure you’re showing your true personality to them. So making a small adjustment like this in your thinking is a powerful method for achieving this.

If you gained good value from reading this report, I also have a review of a complete product that you might want to take a peek at here: Art of Approaching Review

by Daryl Campbell

Many of us have experienced it over the years. You meet a girl that you have a great platonic relationship with and then the pressure starts to build. Where is it coming from?

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Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not unexpected. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

Good communication needs practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking.Your body language and expressions can speak a lot about what you like and dislike. Facial expressions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse?
Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and demand a solution. Solutions usually start at the negotiating table where both parties are inclined to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a nice and comfortable time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your partner in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time. This gives both of you some time to summarize your idealisation. It’s not good to come to the table without preparation. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. If your partner is not as good at communicating as you then counterbalance it.  Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate.Both opinions are equally significant.

Do not get disturbed while talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate.  That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Look for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue.Do not give up. Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must live in both.
Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is evident, professional help may be needed.Communication will not solve all your difficulties but it’s a good startup.