The Relationship Tip

After going through a breakup, often there is the instinctive reaction to get your ex back. Some women instinctively try to get their ex back when a breakup occurs.

Often, this works. This is especially true when you look at the odds of success for those that spend the time trying to learn the best possible ways to get an ex boyfriend back. Women seem to have the power when they are well informed to end a break up at will.
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Women in abusive relationships is a scourge that is a plague throughout the world.

Before I proceed I need to comment on the widely held belief that abounds today that abuse in relationships is as likely to be perpetrated by women as it is by men.

My comment is – poppycock. In other words, this is nonsense. The figures we constantly hear are that 1 in 3 women all around the world are in abusive relationships, and that does not include the broader definition of all the non physical aspects of abuse.

It diverts our attention away from dealing with the issues associated with women being abused in relationships. So little has been achieved to this point in time and this red herring gets thrown into the ring to distract us.

In my view it is an indication of part of the problem. It attempts to contradict the vastness of the issue of women in abusive relationships, and demonstrates how those who put forward this belief, are blind to the consequences.

This is not to deny that some women are abusive in relationships, but it is not comparable.

In all my years as a counsellor, I saw women constantly who were living in absolute fear of the men they were living with. I have never seen one man who has claimed he is living in fear of the woman he was living with.

It never ceases to amaze me how the issue of women in abusive relationships gets such little attention.

We keep hearing that 1 in 3 women experience physical abuse in their relationships, not to mention all the other abuse that is experienced as well.

We hear that 3 women a day are killed by a male partner in the US. In Australia it is 1 every 5 days.

Being a woman in an abusive relationship, is still the biggest threat of injury to women – more than heart attacks, cancer, strokes, car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.

Statistics tell us the most dangerous place for a woman to be is in her own home – not some dark alley, or seedy neighborhood, or a parking lot.

Yet the warning that is regularly put forward is to be wary in such places – and also of strangers.

In addition, today, we are bombarded by the belief that we are at the mercy of terrorists and we need to be alert to the possibility of being targeted. Billions of dollars is being spent on our protection.

The outcomes of women being in abusive relationships highlights the contrast, and the evidence against, the panic associated with so-called terrorism.

Terrorism in the home throughout the world, is gigantic in comparison, yet barely gets a mention, and peanuts is spent on dealing with it in any meaningful way.

Any money that is spent on the issues associated with women in abusive relationships, tends to be on what I would call band aiding issues.

That is to say, it is usually spent on paying for women to live in safe houses and the expenses associated with getting them to that point.

Whilst this is necessary and a good thing, it plays no part in creating any real changes that are necessary to make a difference.

Some governments have policies claiming to aim at eliminating and preventing abuse in relationships, yet have nothing more in place than indicated above.

A major campaign is required as a start for overcoming the problem of women in abusive relationships.

The community generally needs to be made aware of the widespread nature of the problem.This needs to be done by making contact with a broad cross section of media outlets and getting them to do interviews with those who have the information available.

Articles about the problem of women in abusive relationships need to be submitted to these outlets as well. In addition talks must be organized with a whole range of people such as corporate groups, schools, government departments etc., etc.

The issue of women being in abusive relationships is increasingly being recognized as a serious violation of basic human rights.

Today, international organizations, such as the World Health Organization, regard the prevention of abuse in relationships as a high priority and there is a need for urgent action.

A World Health Organization report demonstrates that women being in abusive relationships is widespread and deeply ingrained, and has serious impacts on women’s health and well-being.

According to Amnesty International, violence against women in relationships is the greatest human rights scandal of our times.

Leo has been a counselor for twenty years dealing with a broad range of issues with clients. During that time he has dealt with relationships primarily, and particularly abusive relationships. He has given many talks, seminars and workshops on relationships to a broad cross section of people in the community, including other counselors, doctors, nurses, police, politicians, church groups, to name a few. He has also been interviewed by all sectors of the media about aspects of his work. He is the author of the eBook “How To Have An Extraordinary Relationship”. His website is http://www.relationship-tips-for-you.com

Home

Domestic violence help comes in all shapes and sizes. There is the crisis hotline to get you where you need to go ASAP. Then, there are the community domestic abuse support groups that assure you that “you are not alone.”

Your domestic violence shelter will give you all the resources for your immediate transition from the danger you live to safe housing. They may even have a domestic abuse legal advocate that will help you with your legal matters.

But what about your psychological care, who will tend to that? You can find a counselor or therapist with clinical background in domestic violence. Sometimes you may scratch your head wondering if you know more about domestic abuse than the therapist. Other times, you can hit the jackpot and find the professional healthcare provider that helps you usher yourself out of the darkness into the light.

Do you know the help you will want to secure in your quest to end domestic abuse? Do you know where you will find each piece of the puzzle as you transition from being in an abusive relationship to reclaiming yourself and your life?

Far too often domestic violence survivors don’t really know what they need or where to find it when they need it most. The more homework you do upfront, the better you will be in the long run.

The following is intended to help you inventory your needs and prioritize your securing help in meeting these needs.

1) Create an alliance with your local public abuse services for all immediate needs and steps to protect yourself from imminent danger.

2) Familiarize yourself with your residential options before you jump out of the “nest.”

3) Compile your personal documents and get your finances in order as best as can be done, even though you may not be accustomed to finance management.

4) Secure information and resources to help you obtain any protective orders you believe necessary to minimize conflict and danger by your abusive partner, especially upon and after your departure.

5) Engage a health care provider that is knowledgeable about the psychological, social and legal aspects of domestic abuse to help your navigate from the chaos to closure.

As in any journey, once you get your ducks in a row and line up your resources and soldiers, you will move from point A to point B more successfully. Your planning is key to your designing your exit and the outcome of your departure.

For more information and help in your planning, see Domestic Violence Resources. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. Copyright 2009 http://www.EndDomesticAbuse.org/ebooks.php

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. – Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Bradley Thomas:

Victims of domestic violence are caught up in a vicious cycle that does not discriminate on the basis of race, education or class.

But the best way to stop domestic violence is for everyone, especially men, to become involved in educating women about the importance of recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship.

I don’t think you have to educate women on something like that. Educating them about leaving that type of relationship and giving them the support and safe haven they need would be the best things.  But Bradley does make a good point of what more men need to do.

How does someone in a relationship that leaves them uneasy and uncomfortable justify that feeling to themselves or to another?

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There are some, who are so good at hiding the problem they hide it from themselves. They tell themselves, ‘it has only happened once or twice’ and they pretend it will be all right.

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Regardless of the known, or unknown reasons, for domestic violence, one thing is certain, there is no excuse for it. There is no excuse for anyone to remain in an abusive relationship either.

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