by Daryl Campbell
Your date invited you to go on a group outing with some of their friends. The minute you got out of the car you knew this was not going to work.
First off it was the way they greeted you. Or should we say the way they did not greet you. It was a combination of winter chill and flaming darts. Then when plans were being worked out as to where the group was going this evening, you had the audacity to make a suggestion. Sure in the real world it was a good solid idea; but not in friendsville. Did they shoot down your proposal? With both barrels but it didn’t stop there.
Now it suddenly became their little group joke against you for the rest of evening. Those snide remarks that you thought you had previously imagined turned out to be all too true. They also started huddling up among themselves in a blatant display to purposely leave you out. Worse than that, they pull your date into the clique so that on more than a few occasions you are left standing alone.
To your credit through all of this you kept your cool but what about your date? Truth to tell they did not notice and if they did they sure did not say anything about it.
Cracking the friend code is one of the toughest parts about dating. Sometimes you will get a warmer and more inviting reception from your date’s immediate family than you will their friends.
Why the hassle? It could be the discomfort of letting someone into the group. Other times its fear that they are losing their friend. In some cases it’s none of the above. They just don’t like you and that is that.
That mean it is decision time. Giving that you are going to continue to date this person what can you do?
1. Give It Back
Okay they want to make some nasty comments fine. You’ve got a few you’ve been chomping at the bit to use. As you would expect, this can go a few ways. The group may admire you for fighting back and standing your ground or you may have just ushered in World War III with your date as the battleground.
2. Talk to Your Date
Asking your date their opinion about their friends’ behavior might be a good idea but here’s the deal; if they have not noticed what’s been going on before, they may not be that much help. Your date tells you to lighten up or says that’s how their friends indicate they like you. That’s all well and good but being the object of constant group ridicule doesn’t make you feel like part of the gang.
3. Your Crew
The next time your date wants to do the group thing, then bring some of your people along. Mind you while this may give you a feeling of comfort and security it can put a lot of tension in the air especially if you have been telling your posse some of the things that have been said about you.
Your date feels very strongly toward their friends. From their perspective they like you so much that they feel good about introducing to their circle. That’s a compliment so take it as such. But that does not mean you are there to be disrespected.
The key is not to be intimidated. Stand your ground with as little hostility as possible and continue to be yourself. You may never win all of them over to your side but some will come around. Even if they don’t, one thing will be crystal clear to them: As long as you are dating their friend, you are here to stay so they better get used to it.
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