Having The Courage To Leave

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

In the beginning of the relationship, he is a gentleman. He holds the door open for you, kisses you gently, holds in stomach-spreading gas, holds your hand in public, sends you flowers, and makes attempts at poetry. For all practical purposes, he is the best thing since sliced bread.

You are so impressed with him that you envision your wedding gown. You’re probably thinking Annie Couture, Vera Wang, and Reem Acra, a minimum of 20 Bridesmaids, a Phantom Limo, and Chris Daughtry and John Legend to sing at the wedding and reception.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with dreaming. Don’t get me wrong; there are some near-perfect relationships out there. If you’re reading this, you’re probably in the majority.

Domestic violence rears its ugly face in virtually all countries, villages, cultures, races, classes and income groups. It is a very difficult and multifaceted problem with individual solutions that are appropriate for different women in different socio-cultural contexts.

The problem is not the type of help that exists in the public; tons of social programs and interventions are absolutely free.

Instead, it is the lack of willingness to get help that is alarming, given that there is rarely a good ending to remaining in the relationship. This article is about leaving him and the former dependent YOU behind.

According to advocates against violence, “Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does – and when it does, there is help. Maybe you have lived with abuse, maybe it happened just once; maybe you work or live next to someone who is being abused right now”.

Wherever you are, and no matter what you’re going through, you can get help, and you don’t have to go at it, alone. Just when you think you are so in love, and too far along to sever ties with your abusive lover, things go haywire, oftentimes ending in tragedy.

How many times you are channel-surfing and you are frozen in time by the “Breaking News” flash across the television of another missing female? How many times does the focus of the investigation turn towards the spouse, past or former lover? Invariably, what happens in the end?

Usually, a funeral procession or a case going cold. The only thing missing at this point would be the face we’ve seen from still images on the television. Could it be you, next?

Ladies, you have to make a strong and conscious effort to leave before the last train leaves the station. You say, “But, I love him; He is just tired from working too hard. He didn’t mean to throw me down the stairs”. Hogwash! I’m sorry for being so blunt about it, but sometimes the truth hurts. This is just another occasion in which fear-mongering is effective.

Here, I am merely suggesting that you claim your ONE life and decide that nothing is more important than living out your life on your term, unconditionally.

HERE IS THE FORMULA FOR SURVIVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:

1. Admit that the violence is VIOLENCE
2. Call the local Authorities at the first sign of physical violence
3. Obtain a Restraining Order
4. Tell a friend or family member. Don’t go at this alone. You need the support.
5. Draw the line in the sand and tell him how you feel when things are calm.
6. Make the decision to Leave. Remember, violence begets violence.
7. Leave
8. Re-claim your life. “Do the You inside”.
9. Assuming there will be another relationship someday, take it slow, and set boundaries.

Women, you are wildflowers growing in concert with the wind that gives you flight, and the sun that gives you light. Even if children are involved, you must make the decision to leave at the earliest signs of violence.

You were not designed as a punching bag, nor should you assume the role of the injured duck. You are strength, will, and resiliency. Leave now, before the “Breaking News” becomes YOU. Claim your life back. Do it now.

CELEBRATE YOU.

Brad Bechler, former Ghost Writer for several successful literary projects, and author of “WHEN WILL THE SKY FALL?” is on a mission in 2009 to preserve the memory of those who survived Hurricane Katrina. His book, was written, initially as therapy to cope with the lack of normalcy in and around him.

The book, then evolved into a Poetic Documentary that gives rise to a story that culminated into a reaching out for grace, hope, and faith. Mr. Bechler’s sole purpose then, was to foster courage, will, and self-love in the face of utter tragedy or a life tipped out of balance. The overall message from “WHEN WILL THE SKY FALL?” is that “If you change the way you look at things, the things around you begin to change”.

For more information on Mr. Brad’s current and future literary work, visit his Official website: http://www.bradbechler.com

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