Getting Words Right: Composing Your First Message to Online Date

by Desmond Ray

In online dating, one of the most important tasks next to preparing personal profile is writing the first message to your prospective match. Here is some advise on how to make it well.

Your Choice First of all, you have to be choosy in your selection of potential dates. Remember that you are dealing with enormous pool of people, which renews on a daily basis. Online dating is a failure-proof business, because even if you will not reach candidate A, you will certainly hear from candidate B (or C). Just keep seeking. Moreover, even if you achieve seemingly great progress with one candidate, do not get stuck on it: keep looking. By the time of developing real relationship you better have your own choice, just in case if something will not work out well.

The challenge In a natural effort to make a good impression in the first message, many of us becoming either numb and lacking any words, or, even worst, start saying things that better not being said. How not to cross the line from decent self-presentation to a blatant (and hence repulsive) boast?

First of all, never dwell on some unanswered message. The network is too big for getting fixed on one person. Instead try to improve your writing skills. Find your own style, which works for you. Be creative, honest and optimistic. Your message will have better effect if it will be written as a conversation. Avoid anything which sounds square and trivial.

Key features First and foremost: your message must be written for each candidate individually! Everyone can tell a generic letter: it is only about the author, it has no word about addressee. So, you have to reflect on your perspective date profile, you have to tell what exactly turned you on there. The aim of your first message is to start a conversation around some mutual interests, so you have to ask your candidate specific, his (or her) profile-based questions! And, of course, you have to tell a bit about yourself.

Your toneYou are welcome to tease your addressee in the first message, but do it gently. Avoid writing anything about sex and dont claim yourself being a perfect match to him or her. This is your very first message, so, as long as you knowledge of this person is limited to his (her) personal profile, you better keep a relaxed tone, almost as if this is an introduction to a new business partner.

Few extra tips It is quite possible that you will not get a reply. There may be a lot of various reasons for it, but accept only one explanation for yourself: your letter was not good enough. therefore, no matter how much you have tried earlier, you have to make your letter even better. Besides, always keep in mind that you are not the only one who wrote to this person. So, you have to make your message really outstanding, and, believe me, you will see the results. Try again and put there your very best: add intrigue to your message, ask questions and answer them for your addressee, you will get a response and the conversation will start. When this will happen, try not to stay there for a long, get offline, seek a live date! Because, after all, this is the reason why you have joined the dating network in first place.

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