Daryl Campbell

The excuses come in all shapes and sizes:

He just had a bad day at work.

He has got so much pressure on him.

He lost his job.

He gets like that every now and then when he goes out with the boys.

I shouldn’t have said what I said.

I shouldn’t have did what I did.

Oh that’s just the way he is.

The list is endless. And all the while many women who are or have been victims of domestic violence keep telling themselves one thing. The men doing the abusing really do love them.

According to The Journal of the American Medical Association it is estimated that somewhere between two and four million women living in the United States are assaulted by a domestic partner every year.

What makes it even worse? Only about twenty five percent of these crimes ever get reported to law enforcement.

A survey done by the organization National Violence Against Women a few years back spells it out, “The majority of victims who did not report [domestic violence] thought the police would not or could not do anything for them.”

Are they right? The answer varies from one municipality to the other. But one thing is certain, not reporting domestic abuse guarantees nothing will get done.

The problem is scores of domestic abuse victims past, present and future do not report it because they cannot bring themselves to have their husband or boyfriend arrested. With many it is the embarrassment of having people find out what is going on within the relationship.

Yet with many others it is love. They are more than willing to use the excuses listed above or invent countless others to shield their significant other from the police.

As tough as this is to accept that of course is their prerogative. However what countless domestic violence victims fail to understand is the love they have for their partner is not being reciprocated.

Having a bad day or one too many drinks then physically assaulting you is not love. Nor is apologizing ten thousand times after it is over and vowing to never do it again.

We all have bad days but that doesn’t mean we go out and physically abuse someone; particularly someone we have vowed to love for better or worse.

To the victim of domestic abuse letting a violent partner hide behind the countless excuses may be a way of showing love. To the abuser it means you are handing them complete power and total control. That’s a gift no one should ever have.

Click here to get more information on healing from the trauma of domestic violence,