by Daryl Campbell

Many a couple has vowed that their divorce would be different. Civil, harmonious with a settlement that is win-win for both participants. They calmly acknowledge that while they are breaking up it is just one of those things where it’s everybody’s fault and at the same time no one bears the blame.

One thing they guarantee to themselves and each other is no matter what they will remain the best of friends.

And then it happens. A minor conversation takes a wrong turn. Maybe a piece of bric-a-brac that the two of them picked out together suddenly becomes the center of their universe. Or deciding who the kids are going to live with turns into a heated exchange. Whatever the cause, the result is war.

Now anything or anyone becomes a weapon to destroy the other person. Old wounds and exaggerated slights are reopened with a vengeance. Even issues that were resolved a long time ago make a comeback but this time with a new slant; it was not resolved to either or both spouse’s satisfaction.

All of this forms into one giant snowball picking up size and speed as it accelerates into the nearest divorce court. By the time it settles both parties are not only out to win but destroy the other person.

The judge listens as the anger, frustration and hate are spewed out in nicely worded legal talk. The most intimate details of the marriage are thrown open to the public. So what if it’s something that has no bearing as to what’s going on right now? For many couples the look of embarrassment and hurt on the other one’s face is worth it. Yet when the other person returns fire in an equally vicious manner, cries of foul echo throughout the court room.

As it drags on each side digs a little bit deeper into their arsenal to hopefully deliver the ultimate knock out punch. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

For more than a few couples enough is enough. Just get it over with so they can move on with their lives. Yet for far too many others, they have not even scratched the surface when it comes to inflicting pain and humiliation. As far as they are concerned these are just the preliminaries. Wait until the main event gets under way.

Yet one thing becomes absolutely clear. No matter what the settlement both sides have lost. The antagonism and ill feeling are going to remain for a long time. If the two parties must for whatever reason deal with each other in the future, you can expect the war to start all over again.

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