by Daryl Campbell

It started with the funny looks. You would catch your spouse staring at you sometimes in a way that was not only unfamiliar but downright uncomfortable.

You also noticed that there was a certain distance that creeped in to the relationship.  The conversations became a bit more strained if not downright hostile. Something had changed. At the time you may have just chalked it up to growing pains within the marriage. No relationship should get to the point where its set in stone. Growing a healthy relationship is a never ending process so there’s bound to be obstacles in the way which will test you and your spouse.

Unfortunately it was something else. The one thing that we all hope never happens did happen. Your spouse is cheating on you.

If lack of communication is the number one reason for many marriage failures than a cheating spouse runs a very close second. According Infidelity Facts (www.infidelityfacts.com) over fifty five percent of men and women admit to cheating on their partner at least once regardless of whether it is marriage or a dating relationship.

Why do they do it? Boredom, recklessness or maybe despite the marriage they never stopped living the single life. The reasons are too many to count but now that it’s out in the open, the question is what comes next? Whether you decide to work it out and continue the relationship or end it altogether is entirely up to you. But one thing that you must be on guard against is the blame game.

It takes a certain amount of cleverness (and arrogance) to carry on an extramarital affair. That cleverness can also extend to making you look like the villain. Nobody is perfect and if you and your significant other have built any kind of meaningful relationship, they more than anybody will be all too familiar with your strengths and weaknesses.

Armed with this knowledge it is not hard for a cheating partner to pull the old bait and switch. Yes you caught them having an affair but if you had only done this or had not done that then they never would have cheated.

The sad part is many a spouse has fallen for it. They get to doing some self examination usually focusing way too much on their own weaknesses and before you know it the blame is squarely on their shoulders with their full cooperation. It only gets reinforced if people familiar with the relationship weigh in and start telling the offended party where they went wrong.

Well guess what? It takes two to tango and unless you have been abusive or done some cheating on your own then you are not the heavy. You upheld your part of the bargain and it’s not like the opportunity didn’t present itself on more than a few occasions. The difference is you took the vows and relationship more seriously. Not just at the time but for the future.

Keep that in mind if your spouse tries to throw the ball back in your court. Nobody is perfect and you are going to make mistakes but you are not obligated to take full responsibility for someone else’s actions especially when it comes to a cheating spouse.

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