Abusive women put their men in the doghouse when they are misbehaving. And the shame these men feel is no different than that felt by battered women.

It’s a shame that has many dimensions:

a) I let my partner down.

b) I don’t measure up to my partner’s expectations and/or standards.

c) I’m in the doghouse by virtue of my own consent.

d) My partner knows I’ve consented, thereby enabling her control of me.

e) For crying out loud, if my friends knew I was in this doghouse!

f) My children know of her power to put me here and keep me in here.

g) I feel impotent in my ability to pull myself out of this doghouse.

h) What if people in the world that I do business with, who trust and respect me, knew of my being ushered into this doghouse?

i) …And not only ushered here today, but shoved in here regularly!

j) I want out of this doghouse, but that’s not easy.

k) I’m beginning to lose respect for myself.

l) These visits to the doghouse feel like a manipulation to get me to comply with her unfulfilled wishes.

m) And when I do give into her (or she needs me out of here for something else), she lets me out of the doghouse.

n) But I know it will only be so long as she is getting what she wants, when she wants it.

o) And when I fail her again, I’ll be right back here in this doghouse.

p) Would life be better if I just stay here, ignore her and do my own thing?